Re-Birth

Today I am 36. And BALD! It's 6am, Saturday morning. I woke up at 5:30 to Minna crying (she often does this, but we don't go get her until 6:30). I've been having these weird dizzy spells where if I lay in one position for too long, I get really dizzy and it's making it hard to sleep. Not sure what it's from, but I'll be sure to mention it to my oncologist on Wednesday.

Yesterday, after a lovely visit from my friend Ruth, Jason, Talia, Minna and I went into the backyard and shaved my head. Talia and I put on the t-shirts from Molly that say "Fight like a girl" with the breast cancer ribbon. Talia was the official photographer. Jason and I took turn with the clippers. It took about 30 minutes to get everything off (man did I have a lot of hair!). Prior to going outside, we talked with Talia and explained to her that the chemo medicine makes my hair fall out and because of that, we are going to shave off all my hair. She gave a little nervous laugh and when we asked her if she wanted to watch and be a part of the shaving, she immediately said yes. She held the mirror for me so I could watch as the hair fell off my head.

As time wore on, she got more and more upset. And Minna, sitting on the lawn to my side, just kept looking at me like "what the hell are you doing mommy?". She did a lot of crying and laughing too. At one point, I took the clippers from Jason and he took Minna and pushed her around on one of her little cars and Talia swung in the hammock. I looked up at Jason while the buzz of the clippers was in my ears and said "This is lovely, I'm shaving my head and the three of you are over there acting like this is the most normal thing in the world". Hilarious! We both laughed about it.

Once we were done, Talia wouldn't come near me or talk to me. She went over to the hammock and sulked. I started to cry. But I gave her space, knowing she would come around eventually. Sure enough about 2 minutes later, she asked for some alone time with me. I took her upstairs and told her to wait 5 minutes while I showered and cleaned up. When I came out she asked "Why are you taking Chemo medicine" and I said "to get rid of the breast cancer" and then she asked "why do you have breast cancer" and I said "I wish I knew, nobody knows why you get it, but my job is to get rid of it and get healthy again.". End of conversation about that, she moved on to something else.

So, I'm bald now. I think the timing was great. I like waking up today, on my birthday, and feeling like I have a fresh start. Granted, I still have a long road of chemo ahead, but this is the best way I can think of to face my birthday. The GI Jane look makes me feel very strong and brave. I need all the help I can get right now!

Curious about my new look? Check it out here: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=2596533&l=0e88c3a016&id=754833143

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I have received some amazing cards over the course of the last 3 months. I've been collecting some of the quotes in these cards, or in random places and I wanted to share a few today. They are about the celebration of life, and today I celebrate mine!

"Often the moments that let us love our lives most fiercely are the ones when we feel like everything is being taken away"

"There is only one minute in which you are alive, this minute, here and now.
The only way to live is by accepting each minute as an unrepeatable miracle.
Which is exactly what it is - a miracle and unrepeatable."

"May green be the grass you walk on,
May blue be the skies above you,
May pure be the joys that surround you,
May true be the hearts that love you."

I love my village, thank you all for helping to get me through this journey with so much strength, courage and determination.

Happy Birthday to me!