Status Quo

It's Day 4. I am a little worse today, but still more functional than Day 4 of any other cycle. I still can't figure out what the difference is, but it's been nice being a little more with it all weekend, a little more present with the girls and Jason. I did bath and bedtime tonight and while it kicked my butt, it did feel good to be 90% there for the girls and give Jason a break.

A couple of funny things from Talia over the last few days. Last night she was eating a burrito for dinner and the burrito was standing up on end on her plate. The tortilla flopped over and a bunch of rice started falling down off the tortilla. She said "Look, my burrito has chemo" because it looked like the burrito was losing it's hair. It was such a funny moment. I loved that she was able to make a joke about. And earlier this week she just came out and asked me "Mommy how many more days will you have breast cancer?". I couldn't answer that question. It got me a little choked up, but we scooted on past it and she moved onto something else to focus on.

While I really am relieved to be done with AC, I can't help but feel this sense of dread about the start of Taxol. Once a week for 3 months? How it will affect my body? Will my veins withstand all the IV poking and prodding? I'm trying not to dwell too much on it just yet - I need to ride out the next few days, but sitting at home resting all day doesn't give my mind much else to think about.

I am looking forward to the coming week and getting back to my old self. I don't have a whole bunch planned because I assumed I would feel pretty shitty for most of the week. But Halloween will be a nice distraction this weekend. If nothing else, I know I'll be ready to eat a lot of candy!