Tomorrow

Tomorrow will mark 5 months since my diagnosis. In some ways, I can't believe it's ONLY been 5 months, I hardly remember what life was like before July 9. But in other ways, I can't believe how quickly time has passed since that fateful day. The girls were both home sick with me the last two days which have made for some very l-o-n-g days. But thanks to my ever so helpful and willing family I was able to get through it OK. They are both better and will be returning to their routines tomorrow, yay! As we drove home tonight along Grizzly Peak in Berkeley, there were so many houses out with christmas lights. Minna, every time she saw a house all lit up, would yell "more lights!" and wouldn't stop until the next house, and so on... It made for an entertaining ride home. I got lost in my thoughts about how I got from a trip to Hawaii in the midst of the chaos that comes with diagnosis, the hot summer sun, tank tops and sunscreen all the way to snow on the road this morning, uggs and a north face down jacket. I swear I just blinked my eyes.

I think I'm also feeling this significant passage of time because I had an appt with my oncologist today and we talked about my meeting with the GYN oncologist in early January. This is exciting on several fronts - 1) it means I am nearing the end of chemo, which is totally fucking terrific 2) I can get more information on my decision about either having just my ovaries removed (oophrectomy) or a total hysterectomy where they remove my uterus, ovaries and fallopian tubes and 3) I can start to think about life after cancer treatment. Clearly #3 is the MOST significant point to consider. I can't say there will ever be life "after cancer" but definitely after treatment. There is a difference.

I'm starting to grow some hair back on my head but it's like rabbit fur. The doc said it's not what will stick around. My permanent hair will grow in over it. It's soft and light. Someone said today, "oh it's growing in blond how nice!" Uh. Nope. Honey that's gray. Thanks for being so optimistic but that is all gray. I've been wearing a lot of beanies and getting some compliments on them. I love wearing them, it's so cold (relatively speaking, I know what all my east coast family is thinking when they read this). But I can't imagine wanting to ever wear these hats again when I'm past chemo treatment. Will I?

Tonight I spoke to a friend of a friend, a fellow "warrior" who is going through treatment right now. On Monday she is having her mastectomy and we talked about my experience and I shared some of my strongest points of wisdom with her. I am no expert, I only know my own experience, but it felt so great to share my feelings and advice with her. I remember when I started down this road, I had no clue about anything and I was so grateful to all the women that reached out to me and made time to talk to me. I was so happy to be able to pay it forward...